Dear Diary,

Today I sunk to all time low. Her name was Lunah (like I really care). Everyone thought I was eyeing her today in the bar, but in fact I was really looking at that thing on her head. What exactly was it? It looked like a cat had eaten a large bird and proceeded to cough it up and leave it there. Yet she wore it proudly…all the time.

What was it about that atrocious hat she found so appealing? What a stupid woman. Her equally stupid boyfriend seemed to like it though. Not surprising, considering how much of an idiot he was. Come to think of it, this entire cursed Seefran system is populated by idiots. Boy was I stupid for leaving Terazed and joining Dylan Hunt on his idiotic quest. “I came here to learn,” I told him. I should slap myself for being so naïve. And what exactly have I learned from that idealistic screwball, anyway? Oh, let’s see…I learned how to meet a beautiful Niezschean woman, only to have her killed by Magog right in front of my eyes. I miss you, Louisa. But not just you - I miss my old life. I mean, I was an Admiral on Terazed. Now I’m a drunken bum, sleeping with cheap women and drinking bad whiskey. Not surprising, however, considering this system has virtually no water. Oh, so what else have I “learned” from you, Captain Hotshot Paradine? How to get stranded in a system with no way home, no slipstream, no Nietzschean women, and virtually no water. God, do I need a bath!

Anyway, back to the woman with the strange bird hat. I mean, it’s not like I’m not used to sleeping with many different women – that’s how low I’ve sunk. Cheap women, sometimes more than one at a time – it’s probably a good thing Louisa is dead, because I’d hate for her to see what I’ve become. But tonight…tonight…was the ultimate in my degradation. This woman…with the dead bird on her head. Yes, I know she meant nothing to me (none of them do), and I only did it to seal our deal (a complicated mess in itself). We both knew we were using each other. But the horror of it all…that hat! It was so UGLY! I mean, she never took that thing off her head – not even once! Not even while we were….agh, I can’t even write it down. It’s too humiliating. It’s too degrading. And to top it off, when we were finished she had the nerve to plot to have me killed. ME! I gave her a pop of pure Nietzschean, and she was too stupid to even appreciate it. I should have pulled that birdhat off her head and beat her to death with it.

What a dumb woman. What a dumb system. I hate my life, and I hate Dylan Hunt for causing me to be here. Well, it was Trance that actually sent me here, but I can’t hate her. After all, she’s too cute. Maybe I should…no, I can’t even think about that.