|
The Nine Types of Girlfriends |
| Ms. Nice Guy: | "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have!" |
| Also known as: | What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat |
| Advantages: | Cheerful, agreeable, kindly |
| Disadvantages: | May wise up someday |
| Old Yeller | "You spineless good-for-nothing-no-good-no talent...! Can't you see you're making me miserable??" |
| Also known as: | She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell |
| Advantages: | Pays attention to you |
| Disadvantages: | Screeches, throws frying pans |
| Sickly: | "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite." |
| Also known as: | Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy |
| Advantages: | Predictable |
| Disadvantages: | Contagious |
| The Bosser: | "Stand up straight! Put on a different tie! Get a haircut! Change your job! Make some money! Don't give me that look!" |
| Also known as: | Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-All, Ball and Chain, Yes Mom |
| Advantages: | Often right |
| Disadvantages: | Often right, but so what? |
| Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied: | "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?" |
| Also known as: | The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey |
| Advantages: | Easily soothed |
| Disadvantages: | Even more easily perturbed |
| Wild Woman out of Control: | "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love." |
| Also known as: | Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, Passed Out |
| Advantages: | More fun than a barrel of monkeys |
| Disadvantages: | Unreliable; drives off cliffs |
| Huffy: |
"I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at." |
| Also known as: |
No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold Fish, Chilly Proposition, Iceberg, Snarly |
| Advantages: | Your friends will feel sorry for you |
| Disadvantages: | You will have no friends |
| Woman from Mars: |
"I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship." |
| Also known as: | The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic |
| Advantages: | Entertaining, unfathomable |
| Disadvantages: | Will read her poetry aloud |
| Ms. Dreamgirl: | "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now." |
| Also known as: | Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous |
| Advantages: | Funny, intelligent, uninhibited |
| Disadvantages: | Will have nothing to do with you |
